Disney's Royal Family 5K

At the request of my wife (isn’t that how everything seems to get done?) I am going to give a brief rundown of the Walt Disney World Royal Family 5K.  We’ve been doing a lot of training recently for the Walt Disney World Marathon coming up in a few months and we’ve already done a half marathon and a 200 mile relay race.  She wanted me to write an entry on my take of the 5K we did last winter in WDW. 

First off, you have to talk about the nature of Disney races in general.  Compared to other major venues, the Disney races seem to appeal to your more pedestrian runners.  You’ll definitely have your professional and avid runners out there, but the time limits and paces are higher than you’ll typically find elsewhere.  Because it appeals to more people, the number of participants is through the roof.  Just know that if you are going for a serious time, you’ll want to be in one of the first corrals.  Otherwise, you’ll be dodging a wall of people for the first few miles.  Also, because there are so many people, Disney requires you to get to your start corral earlier than most other races and the time you actually start running is generally earlier than other races.  They want everyone finished or finishing by the time the parks open.  It’s a bummer, but the price we pay for the glory of being able to run in the house of the mouse.

Thumbs up to that.

Next thing about Disney races is the theming.  A large part of the appeal of running a Disney race is the fact that you’ll be running through the park(s).  There are tons to look at while you’re running and things to keep you distracted.  Each race also has a theme to it, which generally means you will see more men wearing dresses and tiaras here than anywhere else in the world. 

"Tangled" Characters (L to R): Max, Flynn Rider, Rapunzel, Mother Gothel

Now, as I said before, we ran the Royal Family 5K last February.  The entire race takes place at Epcot, and it’s definitely cool to run around the World Showcase.  Sarah, my mother in law Liane, our buddy Peyton and I ran it the day before Sarah and her sister Laura did the half marathon.  It all seemed like a good excuse for a Disney trip, as if we ever need one.  So here’s how the morning unfolded:

We woke up pretty early.  I don’t remember the exact time, but it was still dark out.  We all forced ourselves to eat something that morning and then headed out towards the start line.  Luckily Sarah’s mom rented a car so we were able to get ourselves to the start line at Epcot with relative ease.  Laura was a good sport and came along to cheer us on and hold our stuff.  After hanging around and waiting for what seemed like forever, Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder got the race started with some fireworks.  Remember when I said there were tons of people?  When the race actually started, Peyton and I couldn’t even get into our corral it was so overflowing.  After a lot of pushing, shoving, and shuffling of feet, we finally squeezed into the corral and we were off!   Sike, we were off like a turtle without legs.  There were so many people that we were forced to walk through the start line and it continued for quite a while.  The first part of the race is through the parking lot out front of Epcot.  The running lane is coned off, but it was so overwhelmingly crowded that people were running down the sides to get around the large groups of walkers that don’t see anything wrong with walking 8 people across, arms akimbo. 

Start Line

Fireworks

Peyton and I separated in the parking lot as we were trying to weave our way through the crowds.  After making it through the parking lot we entered into the park by running under the outside portion of race track for the attraction Test Track.  From there you continue in the “behind the scenes” portion of the park, namely, the employee parking area and behind the buildings of the World Showcase.  If you’re a Disney fanatic like myself, you’ll find entertainment in this.  Otherwise, you’ll probably look at it all and go “cool, old sh*t.”  You finally break out and enter the World Showcase just after Mexico and turn left towards Norway.  This is where things get fun.

Let’s begin with the fact that you’re in the park before it officially opens and although you are with 10,000 of you new best friends, by this point you’re spread out enough that it no longer feels congested and you can enjoy your surroundings.  The torches that are usually only lit at night for Illuminations are blazing away in full glory while Disney is playing some kind of tribal drum music over the speakers.  I’m not sure what it was, but the combination of fire and deep bass drumming…it definitely gets your juices flowing and makes you want to run faster.  As you’re running through the park, characters are out for you to pull over and take pictures with.  I chose to not partake in that.  I will end the section about World Showcase by saying, who knew the bridge that connects France and the UK was so steep?!

After you leave WS, you enter into Future World and head towards Space Ship Earth and the park entrance.  You essentially run to the front of the park, past Space Ship Earth, past Leave a Legacy, circle past the entrance and then head back towards Space Ship Earth.  As you get to Space Ship Earth, you’ll turn left and head towards Innoventions East and Mission Space.  At this point you can hear the finish line music playing and it definitely got me excited.  You’ll run back out of the park through another “behind the scenes” area and end almost exactly where you started, in the parking lot. 

All in all, it’s a fun race to run for runners of all ages and experience levels.  It’s a relatively flat course and the scenery can’t be beat.  You do get a finisher’s medal which is sort of rare for a 5K.  I would definitely recommend running it and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again myself if I was going to be in WDW while it was happening.

How to keep the Magic in the Magic Kingdom (Part I)

Another Friday, another blog post.  So for this week’s post I thought we’d move on from bad foreigners and ways to give yourself alcohol poisoning inside of 4 hours.  Let’s go with something that may be more useful to a broader audience, how to actually tour these four huge parks.  We’ll take them one at a time.


We’ll start with the Magic Kingdom.  It’s classic, it’s the one park everyone wants to do when they go to WDW, it’s the beast in the East.  And touring it like a schmuck can also be a beast, especially with kids.  

Magic Kingdom Park Map

Tip: You don’t want to be that person that forces their child to stay in the park from open to close regardless of how loud they are screaming.  Do yourself and everyone else around you a favor and take a break.  Sure you might miss out on an extra ride or two by leaving for a couple of hours, but your overall trip experience will be better because you were smart and took a break.  


This also goes along with the simple fact that most travelers fail to wrap their heads around:

Tip: You can’t do everything.  The parks are too big.  As soon as you accept that fact, again, the better your trip experience will be.

The most common piece of advice people give is “Start in the back and work your way forward” Yeah… Thanks Chief!  That’s about as broad as saying, “Hey remember to inhale before you exhale.”  

Tip:  Realistically, you need to make a game plan.  Decide what is most important for your group to see.  

But here is how I would tour around Magic Kingdom: 

First, get your butt out of bed and make it to rope drop (the big production each morning as the park opens).  I don’t care if you’re not a morning person, you can be grumpy all the way to the front of the park and then I promise you’ll perk up, or else you have no soul.  After watching the park opening show you’ll be allowed to move into the park. 

Rope Drop- Part of the Show

Now I’ll be honest, I don’t get into the characters much, so I’m going to skip a lot of those.  But I do know that Rapunzel is HOT right now and the wait to see her gets long.  If seeing her is a must for your group, then you will want to hit her first.  Not literally, it’s still considered battery in WDW.  Although…you would have a one of a kind Photo Pass opportunity.  She meets with the other princesses at Town Hall. 

Photo Credit

Ok enough of that.  The first actual ride you’ll want to head straight to is probably still Peter Pan, which ironically is in the back of the park.  With the opening of New Fantasyland and the dueling Dumbo’s, it has released a lot of pressure off of the other Fantasyland attractions.  But the lines for Peter Pan still get long quick, so either go there first thing or grab a Fast Pass (FP) for it and hit another attraction first thing.  I personally would FP Peter Pan, and head for New Fantasyland to knock out Dumbo (if you must ride it) and the Great Goofini roller coaster.  From there I would come back and knock out the rest of the Fantasyland attractions that strike your fancy, including using your FP for Peter Pan.  


Now here is where you have a decision to make, Tomorrowland or Frontierland.  With Big Thunder Mountain Railroad being closed for refurbishment for so long, it’s VERY popular.  Waits are hitting TRIPLE digits.  I know what you’re thinking, “Bleep that!”  Me too.  So I would probably head over that way and grab a FP for BTMR and then ride Splash Mountain.  If you don’t want to get wet or you hate the song “Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah” skip Splash Mountain and head to Tomorrowland and Space Mountain. 

Splash Mountain

Space Mountain is another big headliner, so you’ll want to head straight there.  The waits shouldn’t be bad yet so the stand by line may be the right option here.  If its 20 minutes or less, I say go for it.  Otherwise, head to Buzz Lightyear, People Mover, Tomorrowland Speedway (if you must), Tea Cups, Monster’s Inc. Laugh Floor and Stitch’s Great Escape.  Once you’ve done the rides you want over here, if you haven’t already been on Space Mountain, hopefully you can pull a FP for it now.  If you can get a FP or if you’ve already ridden it, it should be getting close to lunch time. 

Space Mountain

It might be a good time to grab a bite to eat before heading back over to BTMR to use your FP.  I personally recommend Columbia Harbor House.  While it’s not especially close to where you currently are, it’s worth the little walk over.  The food is good and different from the hamburger/hotdog norm served everywhere else and seating upstairs is plentiful.  Either way, use your FP for BTMR and then head back over to Liberty Square and knock out the Haunted Mansion. 

This is the point in the day where I would use the FP for BTMR and then head straight to the bus and back to my resort.  Remember, taking a break is critical.  It’s also early afternoon, when the park is at its busiest and hottest.  Go back, take a nap, lay by the pool.  Relax.  Enjoy the fact that you’re kicking back while others are suffering through crowds, Florida heat, and Brazilians.  By the time you’re heading back to the park, most of them will be filing out with their screaming kids in tow.


(Stay tuned for Part II, coming somewhat soon.)


(Also, thanks to Mrs. Gish for formatting/adding pictures.)

Around the World with Joey Part 2

Ok ok... So, as I have been told multiple times by my wife, I said I was going to finish my previous post "tomorrow" - tomorrow has turned into a long little while.  My fault.  I apologize.


When we previously left off we were in America, half way through our goal of finishing Around the World, drinking a Bug Light and chewing on a caveman club sized turkey leg.  We're feeling really good about our accomplishments thus far huh?  Yeah well don't.

Buongiorno!  Watching the movie Eurotrip paid off.  Anyhow, in case you didn't see that movie, that means we are now in Italia.  Italy.  Italy as a stop in Epcot has come a long way to be fair.  There just wasn't much going on there.  Now they have a couple new restaurants and a wine cellar to visit.  Ah... a wine cellar, you see where I'm going with this.  Wine in Italy is good and there is also the Bellini which is another one of those excellent drinks you don't want your friends to see you drink if you're a guy.  However, by this point in your trip you should be on a good drunk and anything you get will be great.  Italy is a good place to make up for lost time if you hung out and fantasized about that Samurai sword too long in Japan.  Let's continue.


Next stop, Germany!  Whoa whoa, WAIT JUST A MINUTE!  What do we have here?!  It's our good friend the donkey!  We must always stop and share our beverage with our good friend.  

Next stop, Germany!  I will attempt to suppress my urges to reference WW2, promise.  Germany is another one of those dangerous stops along the ATW express train.  For one, the beer here is obviously fantastic and can be gotten in large quantities.  Secondly, there is so much cool stuff to look at.  Glass boots, good wine, cool Christmas stuff,  arguably one of the coolest train sets ever and this being Florida there are little lizards every where.  When they climb on the miniature buildings and trains they look like Godzilla attacking the village.  Wait until night time and Mothra might even visit.  Don't judge me, you should be virtually wasted by this time.  Do your best to not to stuck in Germany.  

Gojira!

Germany really is cool.

The next official stop on the Walt Disney World website is China, but is it?  IS IT?!  No.  It's the African Outpost.  The remnants of one of those forgotten countries that never was.  While not a risk for our time table, it often gets skipped by most people.  They serve beer here people.  Quit cheating and take that Safari Amber to the face.  Bang on some drums while you're at it.  Shouldn't waste a bunch of time here, but a necessary stop all the same.  Oh and an important note... there isn't a bathroom here.  Disney is really good at its attention to details and decided to be authentic here and leave out a toilet.  Unless you count the trees.  Which I wouldn't.

Proof you CAN buy beer in African Outpost

Um... anyone know how to say hi in Chinese?  Do they say hi in China or do they simply make bitter faces at each other like they just drank a class of the plum wine?  I'm going with the latter.  By this point you should be 3 sheets and some how that plum wine still taste like a rhino's back end.  Unfortunately, it's a necessary evil.  Try your best to not lose it all over the sidewalk.  Remember, there are kids around.  We don't need a "protein spill."  Stagger your grimacing butt out of there on to greener pastures.  

This is how you say "Hi" in China

Viking Power!  Norway!  Norway is a fun country.  Partially because it's one of the final stops on our journey and partially because it's a cool place.  Also if you like blond girls, and by this point in your trip it won't matter what color their hair is, this is the place for you!  Norway has a decent beer and a terrible  shot.  Depending on your time frame you can slam the shot and move on or enjoy a beer and look at Viking artifacts.  Or walk into one of the shops and get yourself a foam sword, but who would want one of those...

Ho ::belch:: la!  You've (hopefully) made it all the way around back to this point.  One more shot of tequila and a Dos X's and you're done!  Victory is yours and I can only hope you've followed me along in this little trip.  It's common to lose a person or five on your trip Around the World.  We solute these bodies and wish them the best of luck on trying to get back around to the front of the World Showcase.  We must not weep for these pansies, they'll have another shot at glory.  One day...

Around the World with Joey, Part I

Yet, another slow Friday at work.  So let’s pick up where we left off like a month ago, sorry. 

When planning your Around the World attack your first choice is: Which way do I go?  If you head right then your first stop will be Canada.  Molson’s, Moosehead, Wood carved totem poles, and un-Canadian men in kilts singing live music.  If you head left then your first stop will be Mexico.  Tequila, Margaritas, Mayan temples, and sombreros.  Here is the secret to your success or failure:  If you’re not a big drinker, pick which way you’re going to start out by what you would rather drink last.  If after a hard night of drinking, a shot of tequila is going to send you running to the bathroom to expunge the contents of your stomach then starting out in Canada may be a suicide run. 

Now here is my usual line up for ATW.  It’s a tried and tested method that has resulted in my domination of many ATW attempts.  It is not for the faint of heart, those with heart palpitations, those who are pregnant or may become pregnant, those with kidney or adrenal failure, please consult your doctor before engaging in drinking related activities as there may be sides affects.  Er… anyway, I always start out in Mexico, with a shot of tequila and a Dos X’s amber and end in Mexico with a shot of tequila and a Dos X’s amber.  The direction I proceed following that varies depending on how I feel, but from my experience heading around through Canada seems to be the easier course.  Don’t ask me why.  Maybe the drawbridge connecting UK and France get’s steeper as the night goes on.  Maybe the plum wine in China doesn’t taste as bad after dark.  Whatever it is, things just seem to go smoother by going counter-clockwise. 

So let’s say we start in Mexico with that shot and beer.  You’re pumped, those first two drinks taste like sweet victory in your mouth.  Morale is high and you down your drinks with a side of fresh avocado green guacamole.  Then you’re off to your next country, life is good.  You arrive in Canada ready to tackle the next beverage.  Then you realize you’ve hit your first speed bump… all the beer in Canada taste like crap.  You’re trying to make a decision while grown men are wearing kilts and you find yourself confused?  Kilts aren’t Canadian, but the music they are playing sounds pretty good so you go with it.  You decide on Moosehead because the tap looks cool.  Time to move on. 

Tequila Shot #1

Tequila Shot #2 plus some of that good Guacamole, well... what's left of it.

Tequila Shot #3 and a Dos X's.  See I wasn't lying.  The only way to start ATW.

Everyone's so confused about what's going on in Canada they are just staring off into the sky...

Oy!  We now step into the United Kingdom.  Fish and chips, Guinness, Hard Cider, the Beatles, Greatness.  You’re starting to feel pretty loose; the tequila is warming your belly.  The fish and chips smell amazing.  There are cool red phone booths to play with while you enjoy your Guinness.  After the maple syrup you choked down in Canada, this Guinness sits in your stomach like a brick, a delicious brick.  You’re still riding the high of just being allowed to drink this heavily while in WDW and you look over and see this big, metal phallic symbol calling you over.

Bonjour!  You’re in France and now it makes since why that big metal phallic symbol looks so much smaller close up.  Your choices in drinks are fruity frozen concoctions or bad beer.  No wonder we had to bail these people out in good ol’ W W I I.  You opt for the Grand Marnier Slushy and hope you don’t see anyone you know.  You can puff up your manly chest and slam that fruity deliciousness down as quickly as possible, trying to keep a straight face while internally crying like a baby from the brain freeze.  This little drink has a stronger kick than you originally thought and your beginning to feel pretty excellent.  Let’s mosey on over to Morocco and see what’s up.  Au Revoir!   

French...

Marhabba!  Yeah, I speak Arabic.  So… mud walls eh?  Must be in Morocco.  This is where you’ll hit speed bump number 2.  Morocco is a Muslim country… they don’t drink alcohol.  Lucky for us, they serve something that resembles beer and counts for ATW.  Morocco’s saving grace is the lamb shawarma platter.  Check it out, thank me later. 

GONG!  Welcome to Japan.  Honestly, I just don’t know how to say Hello in Japanese.  Anyhow, Japan can be a tricky little vixen.  For one, they have a decent beer, but for the more hardcore ATW athlete - there’s sake.  Also, there is a lot of cool stuff to see and do in Japan.  It’s easy to get distracted in your drunken state and end up talking to a complete stranger about how cool it would be to own one of the samurai swords because you thought it was your wife standing next to you.  Not that I’ve ever done that, but a guy I know… yeah he did that… Take that sake to the face, shutter at the terrible flavor, and get out of there like they just dropped another Hiroshima bomb on it (I don’t know why I keep referencing WW2…?) or risk ruining your pace of making it ATW. 

Sake shots.

Sup… You’re in America now.  Ok well for all intents and purposes, the US in Epcot sucks.  There really isn’t anything to do except …… well drink bud light and eat a dinosaur leg marketed as a turkey leg.  Oh, and there’s a bathroom in the back left corner.  But isn’t that the thing that makes America awesome?  Light beer, eating excessively huge things while your neighboring countries barely get by, and hey, we have flushing toilets.  But look at the bright side, by now your buzz is kicking in REAL nicely and that “turkey” leg taken from a T-Rex taste amazing.  Not to mention the glorious fact that you’re halfway through ATW, it’s all downhill from here!

America, wrapped up in a single picture.

This post is getting long, we'll finish up with part 2 tomorrow.  To be continued...

AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 WAYS

Epcot is arguably my most favorite WDW Park.  It is a massive park square footage wise, 2^nd only to Animal Kingdom.  A large part of that acreage and one of the reasons I like it so much is because of the World Showcase.  For those of you not in the know, the World Showcase is a small lake on the backside of Epcot, surrounded by 12 countries (I count the African Outpost).  Here are some quick fun facts about World Showcase that I just happen to know –

·         Morocco is the only pavilion to be sponsored by its country.  All the rest are sponsored by private companies.

·         Norway and Morocco were the only two countries added to the WS after Epcot’s original opening.

·         There were plans to add pavilions for Spain, United Arab Emirates, Venezuela, Israel, and Africa, but they never got off the drawing board.  The closest was Africa, thus the Outpost pavilion. 

·         The King of Morocco sent his personal architect to help Disney imagineers build the Moroccan pavilion.

·         The round room before you enter the China movie is acoustically perfect.  If you stand directly in the middle of the room and speak it will sound as if you are talking from all directions.  Move your position in the room and the sound will change.


·         The perimeter around the World Showcase Lagoon is 1.2 miles. 

·         The water fountain at the entrance to WS was originally filled with water from all the major rivers and bodies of water from around the world.

So the rest of this post will be about the best unofficially official thing to do in World Showcase – Drink Around the World.  This little game was an obvious thing to do when walking around the WS, every country INCLUDING THE AFRICAN OUTPOST… rookies… serves food and drinks.  What started out as an underground thing to do has readily become sanctioned by Disney.  They now sell t-shirts with every country and their respective alcoholic beverage of choice on them.  

So before I get too far ahead of myself, let me lay down some ground rules and best practices:

1.       Remember, you’re still in Walt Disney World.  There are children about.  No matter how drunk you get, it’s not cool to scream about it while standing on the temple steps for the Mexican pavilion. 

2.       While we’re talking about Mexico, the tequila bar closes promptly when the fireworks begin.  I know this from personal experience. 

3.       You MUST drink an alcoholic beverage in every country to consider yourself an ATW Champion.  If you pass a single country, including the African Outpost where they most certainly serve beer cheaters, it does not count.  Just like in baseball, if you don’t run all the bases, it’s not a home run. 

4.       Please don’t stand in the beer kiosk line for 10 minutes just to get to the front and then start deciding on what you’d like to drink… you’re killing my buzz.

5.       Eating before you start, usually a good idea. 

6.       12 beers sound too easy for you?  Good, they serve other things besides beer.  Mix it up with hard liquor, wine and champagne.  Tinkerbelle comes by the next day and dissolves your hangover, I swear…

7.       Just like you can mix up the drinks, mix up the time.  If it takes you 8 hours to go around to all 12 countries, you probably just wasted $100+ on alcohol and are just going to walk away feeling bloated and dehydrated.  Knock it out in 4 hours or less (20 minutes per country) to feel like you’re getting something done. 

That’s all I got for now.  Next post will be about stumbling/touring your way around WS and then remembering you still need to make it out to your bus.  Stay tuned.

BRAZILIANS... HANDLE WITH CARE...

Ok well lucky for Sarah, we are having some SERIOUS network issues here at work today and I really can't get anything accomplished.  So I figured I'd write something out for the blog to help pass the time.  I was sitting here at my desk and thinking what should I write about, and since people always prefer drama over happy things, I decided to write about the worst thing there is at WDW - Brazilians.

Now I'm not one to judge (kidding).  And I understand cultural differences and all that other good PC related bologna.  But seriously, they are a menace.  Where to begin...

*     Chanting - If you can't locate your Brazilian tour group, just listen for the random shouting and chanting in Portuguese.  Usually it will occur during a quiet moment of a fireworks show or an immersive scene in an attraction that you have been waiting the whole year to see again.  When in doubt, listen for the shout.

*     Brazilian Flags - This little fashion statement hasn't quite caught on here in the U.S.  But if you can't find your closest Brazilian, just look for the kid with the blazing green and yellow flag hanging off his back.  Next time you want to look like a queer-eye super hero, grab you one of these little numbers and hit the black top of Main Street USA.

*     Apparent Disregard for Common Courtesy -  "Hey, let's find us a nice spot to watch the parade/fireworks/show.  Oh there's a big empty spot right there!"  Get's you every time doesn't it?  Silly you, that huge open spot is being held down by a Brazilian.  He needs all that space for his 25 friends that are going to show up 15 minutes after the show starts.  It's your fault, you should've known they were coming... didn't you hear the chanting?

*     Pop that Personal Space Bubble -  Lastly, if you can't find your nearest Brazilian in WDW, simply turn around and find the one leaning against you in line or sitting on your foot.  And don't worry if you get so annoyed by them that you literally push them off you, they won't mind.  Apparently, random acts of violence due to someone practically wearing your clothes for you are normal in Brazil.  However, don't you dare ask one to not sit on your foot!  They'll give you the stink eye and mutter things about rude Americans in Portuguese. 

Luckily for us, these little snow birds only seem to flock to WDW during the winter months.  They are dangerous and should only be approached with the upmost caution, and a Portuguese translator. 

"It all started with a mouse" - Yeah... Well I'm starting with less.

So let me start by saying, none of what's to follow is my idea.  I am being forced in to blogging by my wife.  For whatever reason, she seems to think what I have to say about life and Disney will be entertaining for others, primarily herself, to read.  So I am sitting here scratching my head trying to figure out how those other people that blog/put their every waking thought out there on the internet come up with stuff to say...

She wanted this to be some sort of touring site with my interpretation on the best way(s) to navigate and successfully accomplish everything that needs to be done when visiting each of the Disney parks.  So I guess before I do that, let me give you some background.  First off, Hi my name is Joey, like one of those stupid stickers you see at business conventions.  Moving on.  I started going to WDW after I began dating my wife late in college.  After my first visit, I have been back at least twice a year, every year.  Once all by myself, but that's a disaster story for another post.  Most people who know me can't understand and can't imagine why someone like myself would enjoy going to WDW so much, well... I do.  Walt Disney World is about 40 square miles of fun, good food, lots of booze, golfing, and so much more.  Oh and something I feel you should know, we aren't the happy go-lucky family of 5 that strolls down Main Street USA looking up at the buildings and castle taking in the sights, walking .005 miles an hour getting in everyone's way, taking pictures with a Cannon camera in one hand and a Mickey shaped ice cream in the other like a bad Japanese tourist.  We don't visit the parks.  No, we blitzkrieg them.  Get in, have fun, get out... like a one night stand.